Finding Clarity

It has been said by many people, myself included, that we are our own worst critics and enemies. Why is that?

I believe it is a combination of personal pride, personal investment costs and a deep belief that we are doing what we are supposed to be doing. But what I have found is that when we combine the pride, the investment costs and and our belief that we are right, it is exponentially hard to change our course and make tough decisions.

That’s where having a life coach can come in handy. I believe that life coaches can create clarity in each and every situation.

But why is clarity important?

clar·i·ty
[klar-i-tee]
noun
clearness or lucidity as to perception or understanding; freedom from indistinctness or ambiguity.

Creates Focus. It is no surprise that one of my main workshops utilizes the word FOCUS as the basis of the message, but that is because it, focus, is so important in finding your way. But even simpler, having focus in your life and only putting your energy into the things that matter leads to clarity.

Demands Decisions. Just like when you’re packing your dorm room at the end of the year or moving to a new house, or even just doing spring cleaning, leading a clear life demands decisions. And the faster the better. The more you think about things, the cloudier your thought process. My friend, Sam Davidson, wrote a book about making decisions about stuff that is worth taking a look at.

Forms a Simple Blueprint. Finally, as you gain some focus on what matters in your life and you start to make some decisions, a blueprint begins to come into focus. From here, you’re able to take this simple blueprint and build a plan, and then a life around it.

Clarity is the basis of my coaching. Sound interesting? Take a look and let me know if you’re interested!

Parade of Life

Are you living life?

I meant it. Are you really living life? Some days I know I am living and some days I can feel myself getting stuck in the mud. It happens. You get stuck in the train of e-mails, text messages, dinner parties, more e-mails and meetings and before you know it, life is passing you by. And now you’re not really living.

You know you did really live life? Brendan Burke. And who is Brendan you ask?

He is a guy I wish I had met, but sadly, his life was ended in a sudden car crash. What is even more terrible is that he died just months after coming out of the closet. But people open up about their sexuality all the time, you say. Yes they do, but you see, Brendan is the son of one of the most powerful men in the world of hockey and he was also a manager on the University of Ohio Men’s Hockey Team.

“He’s incredibly brave. He went back to our all-boys high school and gave a speech about the struggles gay teenagers go through and got a standing ovation from 200 kids who spend half their time insulting anyone different than them.” -Patrick Burke

In December 2009, Burke came out publicly in an ESPN article. He received tremendous support. His father, Mr. Hockey, even agreed to go with his son to the Gay Pride Parade in Toronto.

His coming out raised the issue of homophobia in sports and his father took it a step further by saying that a gay player would not only be allowed but welcomed on one of his teams.

Only two months after coming out Brendan was in a car accident; one that took his life. When I woke up that morning and read the story, it took a minute for it to sink in. Brendan was a role model for me and for many other athletes, both gay and straight.

As his friends, teammates and families memorialized Brendan, each person said that not only was Brendan a role model, but he was a person who lived his life. He lived it to the fullest and has inspired other people to his cause.

And isn’t that what we are all trying to do, just live our lives and make a simple impact on others?

Clear Eyes. Full Hearts. Can’t Lose.

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This column tri-weekly column, “From Richard’s Oft Cluttered Desk” appears every third Wednesday.

Not very often does a television program come along that tells a great story. Sure, a lot of what is written for television is quality. But when the shows go off the air, we are sad because we have become attached to the characters. Or perhaps we have become attached to sitting our asses down at the same time week after week for years to see these people entertain us.

Just take a look at the shows I have been passionate about: Coach, Seinfeld, The West Wing, Friends, Everybody Loves Raymond and countless others that I can’t recall at the moment. I most distinctly remember the ending of Friends and Seinfeld.

Those are two of my all-time favorites (and I own the entire Seinfeld series). When Seinfeld ended it was an event. Millions watched. Some were upset at the ending but for a show about nothing, we weren’t attached to the story, we were attached to the comedy.

As for Friends, I cried during the final episode. I had grown up with the friends and as they all placed their keys on the counter and began their next journeys, we would not be going with them. But I did not desire to have them continue. They had run their course.

For five years I lived the ups and downs of Friday Night Lights. The show that NBC tried to kill only to hear from the show’s small, but forceful fan base. I was attached to the people, the team, the school, the town. Lucky for me, and the many other fans, NBC teamed up with DirecTV to team-produce two more 13-episode seasons.

Aside from being a huge fan of the show, I have written about it in the past. One of the re-used phrases on the show came from Coach Taylor and it was simple, yet deep. Clear eyes. Full hearts. Can’t lose.

Someday I will have that slogan, that motto, hanging for my kids to see. I’m not sure what it was meant to mean exactly, but I take it to me that if you have a clear vision, if your hearts are full of love and compassion, there is no way you can come away a loser.

As coach and his players completed their fifth and final season on television, I was struck by how different it felt. I wanted more. They made me believe. They made me dream. They made me cry and scream and sit on the edge of my seat.

Clear Eyes. Full Hearts. Can’t Lose.

What other television show can tackle the issues of underage drinking, teenage sex, homosexuality, absent parents, marriage, abortion and live to tell about it? Not many, but Friday Night Lights did all that and more.

In my now favorite scene of the finale – and possibly the entire series – coach and one of his student assistants are talking in his office when she says, “This has been the greatest experience of my life.” The camera pans to coach and he smirks and replies, “You know, I think it’s been mine too.”

That is all I will ever need to know about this show and these characters. That no matter the opponent, the challenge, the obstacle, if you believe in your dreams and you love those around you, you can not lose.

Say it with me: Clear Eyes. Full Hearts. Can’t Lose.

The Red Clay … of New York City?

Reverb 11 Writing Prompt: Describe an unexpected moment, activity, sighting or conversation that touched you during July.

July was a super interesting month and I should have come to expect nothing less than that from this city of New York City. There is always something going on — true of most cities — but here there is always something going on. In my short time here in fact, I have been lucky enough to be able to enjoy some great food. Not as much as I would like, but I have now found two of the best burgers in the city. Of course, I am sure that will change, but the first is Tom’s Restaurant (from Seinfeld) and one I recently went to, Paul’s Burgers. Both were delicious, fresh and well worth their diner-like price.

But that is not the moment I would like to mention. When this happened, it was not unexpected as my friend Joel and I had planned it for about a week, but the chance and the invite itself was. You see, I have been a tennis player for as long as I can remember. When I quit playing Little League back around the age of 13, I had no other athletic outlet. But then I found a tennis racquet hanging in my parents’ garage and I feel in love. It was a wooden racquet (yes, that is how I got started) and I quickly learned about the game.

Fast forward a few years and I was working for the United States Tennis Association and had the opportunity to play on a real grass court. This court was not at the famed SW19 (Wimbledon), but rather a single grass court in a farm near Charles City, Iowa. I hit for an hour against one of my best friends Tylor (I wrote about him in my book Anything is Possible) and we both had a tremendous time. We both grew up in the Midwest, and in the Midwest we have hard courts. Lots of them. But that is all we have. So to have the chance to play on grass was a complete thrill.

And now to July. Up around 96th Street on the Hudson River are 12 secluded red clay tennis courts. Off to the west is the river and to the North, East and South are trees. It definitely does not feel like you are in a city of 8 million at these courts. In fact, we almost couldn’t find them!

But as I walked onto the courts (I have no idea how Joel was feeling), I had a nervous feeling. I’ve played tons of matches and been to and ran countless practices, but this felt like my first match, or a championship match. I had never played on any clay, let alone red clay! Once the court was dragged and the lines cleaned, Joel and I went to work. When he and I hit around, we like to hit the ball, hard. In a matter of minutes I had worked up quite the sweat, but it was a good one.

We were hitting, slicing and sliding our way to the Coupe des Mousquetaires. Because of rain the night before, sliding was a bit tricky, but I slowly got the hang of it. My shots weren’t perfect, but I can’t wait to get back on the surface. Now that I have played on four surfaces, hard, grass, carpet and clay, I can honestly say my two favorites are clay and grass. They are just more fun and honestly, safer for my body.

I’m so glad I had the chance to play on clay with a friend, have a good time, and secured a fall at the end. I went to slide and I think my shoe got stuck on the line and I took a mild tumble. But it was nothing compared to our last point. Joel and I exchanged a few shots and I eventually hit a ball long. As it sailed over the baseline, Joel dropped his racquet and fell to his back. He stood up, we shook hands and the red clay clung to his shirt. Classic clay.

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