Donor Sibling Registry Supports New Families

April 6, 2009 • LGBT, Liberty Press, Life • by

As more and more children are conceived through artificial insemination, more and more teenagers are beginning to wonder about the possibility of additional family. Back in September 2000, Wendy Kramer and her son Ryan began to seek out information to see if Ryan had any half-siblings.

“It all began when my son was curious if he had any half-siblings and sadly we found there were no organizations to help with the search,” Kramer said. Kramer found that there was no central agency that was built to assist families and individuals find their biological counterparts.

Since then, Kramer has helped over 6,100 half-siblings (and/or donors) connect with each other through the help of the Donor Sibling Registry (DSR), which the Kramer family founded. The worldwide organization, based out of Boulder, Colo., helps families and siblings connect with each other when there is a mutual interest.

Kramer was always open with her son about his birth and she continues to be a huge proponent of a child’s right to know. “At DSR we support a child’s curiosity because while it may not be important to the parent, we really need to honor the child’s need to know,” Kramer said.

Another factor in the disclosure process is understanding that some parents haven’t been open with their children, and Kramer’s son Ryan had that very experience.

He’d found a half-sibling, but the mother of his half-sister hadn’t told her daughter and wasn’t planning on it. It can be a very emotional and trying experience, Kramer says. It’s one of the struggles of having donor siblings.

Other struggles include the non-biological parent feeling left out since there is no biological connection with the child, especially when they are meeting other blood relatives. A local Kansas City couple, Tracy and Emily Lawler-White recently had a baby through donor insemination. The process of finding a donor and becoming pregnant was smooth and easy, they said. The couple, who have been together for 11 years are enjoying life with their first child and are learning about DSR now, so when the times comes to talk with Jonas, their newborn, they are ready.

“Our doctors didn’t talk about a sibling registry,” Tracy said. “But we stumbled across it and now we’re members of the Yahoo group and are just enjoying learning about the process.”

While the couple doesn’t have a need at Jonas’ young age to search out siblings, they are following the stories of similar families, and learning how to build up trust and honesty with a donor-inseminated child at a young age.

Emily came from a large family and didn’t see the need to know about Jonas’ half-siblings, but through the group, she understands why children may want to know about their relatives. “It has helped me to understand what Jonas’ perception might be and what will happen as he gets older,” Emily said.

While there are a lot of concerns parents have when it comes to extending their families, there is something unique and rewarding seeing a child connect with a sibling.

“They share personal experiences, issues they’ve had, their challenges and their joys,” Kramer said. “It was absolutely worth it.”

There are many groups to help a family learn and decide what is best for them. You can connect with the Donor Sibling Registry at http://www.donorsiblingregistry.com.

In addition to the DSR organization, there is a local group in Kansas City, the Midwest Alternative Family Alliance (http://www.kcmafa.org), which is a collection of local gay and lesbian parents and prospective parents that offer a voice, support and a way to connect with each other.

This article appeared recently in Liberty Press.

Phil, Fired? Say it Ain’t So

February 11, 2009 • Column, Journal, Liberty Press, Life, Personal Development • by
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I received a great email tonight from my editor at Liberty Press. She was updating us on our deadline for the March issue, but what she said made me laugh.

We all know that the wonderfully gregarious party maven (pooper) Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow last week resulting in six more weeks of winter. (I think Kansas City failed to take the notice with high 60′s yesterday but snow today. Maybe we are still in winter? I digress.

My editor’s seven-year-old was posed a question: What if Phil was replaced? Interesting. Sadly, in this economy many people are being forced with that very proposition. Some view it as a negative, others as a positive. I can’t really tell you what to do. All I can do is offer help. From the articles and blogs I’ve been reading there are a few constants that come through all the suggestions.

1) Relax. Enjoy the time off. I know it’s hard to do when you’re stressed about health insurance and making rent, but use the time off to re-focus yourself. (And pick up a book! A few suggestions.)

2) Research. Even if you were let go from your job, was it a job you loved? If not, use this time to find out what you really love. (Focus on your Goals.)

3) Re-visit. This time can be used to re-network yourself and re-acquaint yourself with lost friends in your circle. (Focus on People.)

4) Revamp. Add to you! Take a class at the local college or just do something you’ve always wanted to do but didn’t have the time. You have it now; use it wisely!

5) Re-give. Seinfeld made this word a part of our language, but this word has new meaning here. For the purpose of this blog, I mean that you should give some of your time to an organization or group you care about. Use the skills you have to help them out.

These of course are just suggestions. Staying under the covers sounds good to me too!

For days my editor’s seven-year-old thought about Phil getting fired as children do. He came to his mom and said he didn’t want the groundhog to be out of work even if he is only right 40% of the time! A great laugh for stressful times. Good luck!

First Gay Marriage in Kansas

July 25, 2008 • Liberty Press • by
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Lawrence, Kan. – - 1,800 miles. A two-hour flight. Nine years. Those numbers signify the distance Lawrence residents Mike Silverman and Dave Greenbaum had to travel to become legally married.

With the recent decision by the California Supreme Court legalizing gay marriage, Silverman and Greenbaum knew right away that they were going to become legally married.

The journey began over 12 years ago when Silverman was a student at the University of Kansas and Greenbaum was going to law school. Silverman’s roommate introduced them because they were both Mac computer lovers. They became quick friends. However, they didn’t immediately come out to each other.

“We’d been dating the whole time and didn’t know it,” Greenbaum said. “It was great because we started out as great friends. We could take the relationship to the next level.”

After dating for a few years, Greenbaum had a realization: they’d been living together for awhile and he said to Silverman, “If we were a straight couple, we’d probably be married by now.” Silverman agreed.

Soon thereafter, they married in a traditional Jewish wedding in Omaha, Neb.

“We found the Jewish community to be pretty open minded,” Greenbaum said. “I’ve always wanted to have a Jewish wedding. So, we asked.”

To their surprise, after meeting with the Rabi, who has the sole discretion of religious ceremonies performed in their synagogues, the marriage was approved.

Part of their marriage in traditional Judaism was having a ketubah which stated the couple would need to seek ‘any and all recognition of their relationship.’ Up until a month ago, that wasn’t possible.

“I was at work and something came across the screen that the California Supreme Court had overturned gender exclusive marriage,” Greenbaum said, who immediately called Silverman.

“By the time he’d called, I’d already started making reservations to go,” Silverman said. Having already been married in the eyes of the church for nine years, the trip to California was somewhat anticlimactic. But that didn’t stop the couple from enjoying the moment. Standing in line, filling out the paperwork and talking with other couples from all over the state were all just a part of a moment of making history.

They were regarded as the first out-of-state couple to get married, and thus the first married gay couple in Kansas. But that’s not the focus Silverman and Greenbaum want to take.

The couple wants to turn this story away from a same-sex marriage story to a simple love story: One person taking care of another for a lifetime.

“I tell other couples to really take advantage of this,” Silverman said. “There is something different about a state office pronouncing you married. It’s sort of a magical thing.”

Greenbaum agreed. “Despite the Missouri and Kansas Constitutions which don’t allow state recognition of our marriage, it shouldn’t deter other couples from that recognition. They will get protections abroad and it also doesn’t mean your family and friends won’t recognize it. Our goal is the day when people say, ‘What’s the big deal?’”

This article was published in the July 2008 issue of Liberty Press.

KC Pride Celebrates 30 Years

May 31, 2008 • LGBT, Liberty Press • by
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Kansas City – - This year Kansas City Gay Pride will celebrate its 30-year anniversary with music performances, a commitment ceremony and various other festivities.

The events, held from May 30-June 1, will again bring together people from all backgrounds and orientations in celebration of the GBLT community. “What started out as a small picnic has grown to include all the many facets of our community,” John Koop, President of KC Pride, said. “[We] come together to celebrate our gifts, talents, accomplishments, losses, and gains.”

As in years past, the entire celebration, from start to finish is free to all participants. The pre-events start May 28 with an interfaith service on May 28th at Metropolitan Community Church at 7 pm followed by an AIDS Memorial dinner on the 29th.

The celebration officially starts on Friday when the Street Blast begins at 6pm at 19th & Main where it will last until midnight and feature world-renowned artist Martha Wash. Wash is best known as one of The Weather Girls, whose international hit It’s Raining Men has become a gay anthem. Last year, over 17,000 people packed the streets for the kickoff event.

The two-day festival, held in Liberty Memorial/Penn Valley Park starts Saturday, May 31 and will bring over 60,000 residents and visitors alike to one location.

“It’s not a party,” Koop said. “This is the only event where every organization comes together and works together. To me it’s a political, educational and celebratory event.”

Saturday will be jam-packed with multiple stage acts beginning at 11 am and going until 10 pm, rain or shine. Coming all the way from Amsterdam is 2Unlimited, the top-performing Eurodance group that was formed in 1991, and has produced hits including Get Ready For This, Twilight Zone and No Limit.

Closing the festival on Sunday will be the DC Cowboys, a gay dancing group from Washington D.C., as well as Deborah Cox.

For the second year, there will be a commitment ceremony held at 3 pm at the main stage. Couples wishing to make the public commitment with their partner should visit the Website and follow the instructions to participate in the ceremony.

“We are all out there and more importantly, it shows we can be out and public,” Koop said.

President of KC Pride for the last five years after volunteering for 15 years prior, Koop continued, “The best message this event sends is that ‘we are here.’”

The Hyatt Regency Crown Center is this year’s host hotel. When booking, request special KC Pride pricing, or click the link on the KC Pride website. Also, for up-to-date festival information or to volunteer, visit www.kansascitygaypride.org.

This article was published in the May 2008 issue of The Liberty Press.

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