You Can Go Home Again

October 26, 2011 • Blog, LGBT, Life • by
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You know the saying, “It’s all just a little bit of history repeating“? For many – if not most of you – that is the feeling after spending more than a few days with your immediate family. We’ve all been there and as I stood in Midway Airport in Chicago writing the first part of this blog post, I know that statement to be true. But also very very false.

The last time I was on my way to the great state of Iowa, I was scared and nervous. (Okay, that’s not entire accurate as the last time I was there, I was saying goodbye and driving away.) But in October 2010, I had a different kind of farewell; and I made my peace with it. When I drove away from the only real home I have ever known, I was scared, unsure and energized.

Now, going back, it is about healing, rebuilding and creating dreams. I needed this time off. So, I went home again.

It’s amazing how much changes and yet how much stays the same from the places you always knew. I did a lot of great things while back in Iowa but in the end, it was about reclaiming my peace. And on one hand, I found it. One the other, there is a storm brewing. I can’t yet say what that is, but keep an eye out.

There is a long list of things I enjoyed while back. I spent a lot of time just driving the roads of the state; alone. Just me, the road and the radio (to steal a line from Kenny Chesney). It was peaceful and serene. I also had the great fortune to spend time with some of the best friends I will ever know. They have seen me in good times and bad and we all shared some much needed laughs.

My vacations are never without a little work though. Last fall before Thanksgiving I returned to my high school to spend an afternoon with their newly formed Gay-Straight Alliance. Eleven months ago, it was a small group. This time around, the room was full and two students even had to sit on the floor. Words can not accurately describe what it felt to not only be in front of an audience again, but to see how much these students cared about each other. It was an honor to have those two hours with them and show that a student from this high school can, in fact, be gay and successful in this world. And yes, it does get better.

The time with my family was also much needed. And you can go home again. I did. I survived. And I’m excited for the road ahead.

In his much famous Stanford Commencement speech back in 2005, Steve Jobs said:

“Again, you can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.”

It has taken a long time, but I am beginning to believe this particular line. Life is funny like that. Just when you think you have it all figured out, life happens. And it happens fast. And you can’t stop it. You can’t control it or predict it. And now, I just have to believe and trust in my gut, in destiny, in something, to get to the end result that makes me smile. This trip may have been the start of some amazing things … but only the Universe knows where these dots are going. Perhaps some day I will look back and laugh at the path they took.

Laugh, and smile.

Having a Normal Heart

July 25, 2011 • Blog, Entertainment, LGBT, News • by
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I have now checked another item off my Life To Do List: I have seen a Broadway show! A few weeks back I was fortunate to be able to get tickets to a show I had been interested in for a few months, The Normal Heart. I first became interested in the show itself when I found out one of my favorite actors, Luke Macfarlane was cast in the show.

But as I read about it, I became very interested in seeing it. All told, I am glad I made it my first ever Broadway show. No offense to other shows, I did not want to take the easy road and see Wicked or Rent or Phantom of the Opera as my first show (even though I have loved Phantom for nearly 15 years). I wanted something that meant something to me.

The Normal Heart fit that bill. And even if I don’t agree with writer Larry Kramer’s argument completely for present day AIDS Research, I do believe that the point the play attempts to make is profound, historic and personal.

The story is set in New York City in the early 1980s at the early stages of the AIDS epidemic. At the start of the play there had only been 41 documented deaths.

The show itself was amazing for three reasons.

It had raw emotion. The anger felt by the lead, Ned Weeks, played by Joe Mantello and the doctor leading the charge played by first-time Broadway actress Ellen Barkin could be felt from our seats in the balcony. They yelled. They screamed. They swore. They threw food and milk in anger and frustration. The fact that the events in the play were based on real-life events made the emotion that much more real and impactful.

It shows that times have … and haven’t changed. Back in 1981, no one wanted to talk about AIDS. Not even the leaders of the gay community. The mayor of New York City was not going to touch it. And the Center for Disease Control didn’t want to make a panic even when the death toll continued to climb and climb. Members of the gay community were shown to not want to talk about the disease because they were worried how it might make them look. I reference that because they were worried about a negative label. Times have not changed all that much in some parts of the country.

It is real. I could see it in people’s eyes as we walked, quietly out of the theatre. It, the story, the plight and the emotions meant something to the patrons. My guess is other Broadway shows are great and for the writers they are personal, but those in attendance at this play felt the 1980s. We felt the fear. We felt the anger. For two hours, we were transported there.

Sadly the show has had its run as a few of the actors have television jobs to return to. But in its short run, it has impacted a lot of viewers and brought the issue of AIDS and AIDS research back into mind. And that is definitely a lesson worth learning.

Destroying an Idea

June 1, 2011 • Blog, Column, LGBT, Photos • by
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This column tri-weekly column, “From Richard’s Oft Cluttered Desk” appears every third Wednesday.

In just two shorts years, Jimmy LaSalvia and his buddy Chris Barron have taken an idea and turned it into quite a powerful political force in GOProud. In their press releases they continue to call themselves the only national conservative organization working for LGBT inclusion and rights. They like to say that because both men have a pretty high-level of hate for the first national conservative gay organization in the Log Cabin Republicans. But, that is not what this column is about.

Oh, don’t get me wrong, it is about GOProud, but not about their egotistical belief that they are the end-all be-all to gay conservatives (of which I am one, contrary to what Barron tells me).

This is about their board leader, Barron, and their belief that anyone who does not think exactly the way they do, is not a conservative and should not call themselves that. Great guy, way to be inclusive to someone who has slightly different views than you. You can cue the Saturday Night Live “Really?!” graphic now …

A few weeks ago I saw a tweet about Meghan McCain. I jumped in and caught up on the news. Apparently, McCain had done an ad for skin cancer which Glenn Beck made fun of and McCain came back fighting. I usually like to listen to Beck, but he was way off base and definitely crossed the line with his comments.

Well, apparently, Ann Coulter is a better support of the mission of GOProud than McCain.

What is their mission you ask? Funny … according to their website: “GOProud represents gay conservatives and their allies. GOProud is committed to a traditional conservative agenda that emphasizes limited government, individual liberty, free markets and a confident foreign policy. GOProud promotes our traditional conservative agenda by influencing politics and policy at the federal level.”

Coulter may support a radical conservative agenda and McCain may support what could be called an inclusive conservative agenda, but one that I think is more in line with “traditional” conservative values.

But even there is not where the problem rests.

It comes from Barron’s own mouth.

Okay, whatever Chris. I think you’re wrong, but, yeah. Moving on …

But then he continues. He wouldn’t even let McCain in, but he invites someone (Coulter) who thinks gays have no right to marriage? I am all for opening and keep dialogue alive, but saying you would keep someone out who more than supports your cause, is asinine and against everything I believe about politics and the conservative cause.


At this point, I wanted to jump into the conversation and see why Chris (and on a larger scale, GOProud) felt this way. That was how he responded. By telling me, a lifelong conservative and former candidate for office that I an neither a homocon (gay conservative) or a conservative at all for that matter. Finally, he goes on to tell me that I have no respect for myself for choosing an open-minded McCain to a closed-minded, far-right-wing Coulter.

And Barron could not stop there. Who am I insulting Chris? GOProud? The entire Republican establishment … most of whom don’t want GOPreroud to be a part of the cause? Seriously man. You are way off base and you just lost a supporter. But then again, since I am neither conservative and have no respect for myself, I wouldn’t expect you to want me anyway. Bill O’Reilly, Coulter, Beck and Mike Huckabee will be there to support you.

Attitudes like this is what is destroying a once great party. I’m sorry to say, GOProud, a group I once had high hopes for has become just another group I have lost respect for.

Life Coaching

Officially a Gleek

December 1, 2010 • Column, Entertainment, LGBT • by
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*Beginning in 2010, I started writing a bi-weekly column, “From Richard’s Oft Cluttered Desk” which appears every other Wednesday.

I’m sure I’ll regret this post someday in my future. But it has happened. I’m a Gleek. Urban Dictionary defines a ‘Gleek‘: To LOVE the show Glee [...].

It has happened over the course of a few months but over the last two weeks, it happened. The music has been outstanding and the story-lines have gotten better since I began catching the show earlier this season.

Now, don’t get me wrong. There are definitely times when the show leaves something to be desired with the writing.

But lately the writing has been spot on. The show is tackling issues around bullying and while it is a hot-topic for those in education right now, it is important. In fact, the writing is coming at it from different angles. First from both the bullied and the bully points-of-view. And then last week we started to see how friends were impacted by the school bullying. And finally, we started to see the inner-workings of the principal’s difficulty in dealing with bullying.

Here is why I will probably regret this post: Glee is kinda … how do I put it … out there? It is very niche and not many people outside of it will watch it. I started watching for the music and now I’m actually invested.

But it could be worse. I could be a fan of Two and a Half Men. If you’re a fan, I’m sorry if this offends you, but the show is all about a guy who has been drinking and having sex with a new woman every night around his nephew. Great family values.

Or I could be a fan of Dancing With The Stars or some other reality television show that while entertaining, is cheaply made. And get this, if you haven’t seen the previews, next up is Skating With The Stars. I’m all for entertainment. But please, for the love of Hollywood, make something worthwhile. Challenge me. Challenge the world. Make me think. Make me question. Make us talk. Right now, Glee is where it is at.

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